Saturday, December 29, 2012

my words become true.

leaving me hanging in the distance,
the echo is a tone i could never hear.

i evaporated into the ocean, and
recondensed in a place i know i well.

i thought i had been forgotten, and left
the shores, but i hadn't. i burned, let the
air take my atoms. i coursed, and elevated.
was high in the stratosphere.

but it was short lived, and i hung myself
when i took myself apart in front of the
crowds, who with deaf ears, only
wanted the gore and glory of exposure.

they were never there to see the folds
of blood vessels, or to breathe in my
atoms of smoky haze. to lean out and
touch the velvet caress of my muscles
pumping, to keep my solid body moving
forward on the deepest ground.

i tore myself apart, speaking and listening
and hearing words i never knew i never knew
come out of my mouth like the retaliation of
every tiny complex structure i had ever felt.

i poured myself into myself to try and mold
myself back into something like i was when
i was unreal, and lived up with clouds and my God.




i hope the crowds are wreaked with guilt
and instantly, i am swelling with guilt.

now i cry for hours on end, to know
i was listened to but never heard.
i could never rest on
any other laurels other
than my two feet,

that move slowly
through air, treading
the atmosphere into
the souls of my boots.

legs of lead and a mind
of coal, burning and
smoking, and blackening the air.

Friday, December 28, 2012

habits

when you leave,
to be held in place
by hands that made you,

surely i will leave too, then.

for my heart would rupture,
and i, alone, would know grief.

following Victoria,
i will be a symphony
of quiet. my eyes would
hold it, and know that i,
alone, was alone in my
existance. my creation,
then a waste, for surely
i, alone, was created to
hold you humanly close to me.

held by my arms, alone,
surely, i would know.

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

yesterday,
i tore down all the posters from my walls.

it was an act of regression.

i no longer felt i needed
to show anyone how i felt,
instead i was how i felt,
and that was enough
i felt.


from the ground i was born
into unknown circumstances
of tired looking faces, and
silence. where apathy is a day
job devoutly to be held,
and they can only condone
to condemn with their eyes.

but,

in the smoke haze of delusional
there is you, my love.

burning spark, bright enough to
light every one of my flames,
and warm enough to keep
me moving in the sludge of
apathetic environments
water boy,
i hid myself in your eyes,
tried to bleed to show
i could be you, but in
the end, you were never
picked for the show.

water boy, left behind,
dressed like a doll and
eager to please, you
broke my back over
your knee, and left
me crying at my
parent's house.

water boy, never picked
for the run, hid behind
dramatic intonations of
lies and secrecy, your
sorcery held me, where
i would have been better
off pushing rocks up hills.

better off believing in the
infinite trust, but no,
water boy did what water boy
does best and burned holes
in my eyes.

water boy, twice bit, twice shy
and i would have bitten you
a thousand times water boy.

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

i was born from the rib
of the one i call second to
love. Him, and him, and i,
sit together, in a shade
of a kowhai and i speak
in words that are not words
but actions of the heart.

for them, i will be glory.
hurryupandcomehomeimissyouitssoboringwithoutyouwah
the emperor's well
ran dry, the night
she pulled down the
nets from around the bed.

with her eyes of glass,
he misplaced what he should
have kept secret, and now
she moves through silk
curtains, into the night sky.
let myself
form rings
of fire,

and burn joyfully
through the night,
waiting for the reunited
drama of ourselves, to
come crashing back into
symbiosis.

i have
been afraid
of the dark
while you
were gone,

and no longer scared
of the shadows on the
distant wall - soon your
body (with its protection
qualities) will keep me safe,

like money in the bank.

Monday, December 24, 2012

i talk alone
to deaf ears
of my own that
never ceased to
listen before,
but now break,
shedding lit up
cut-offs of
electricity.

oh nevermind
oh nevermind

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Saturday, December 22, 2012

anxiety holds me like lace,
what if i am here forever
in this tidal emotion of
forever and seven days?

it was only a bite
only a little dig into
the skin, but enough to
make train tracks up
my spine.

train tracks
into eternity, i am a
statue.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

i was softly spoken
and in the end
i was grown into
a petal,
i was half a whole
and completed
by the gaze of
your eyes closing in on mine
what i learned todae:

- it is okay to be discordant

- sometimes i won't win keyquest



goals for todae:

- be good

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

chipmusic here wecome.

welcome in da nu girlband in the house
i whine about the distance,
but it is not real
it's like smoke that 
evaporates from your
lungs. for sure, for sure
i still miss you, cause sweet
you taste like bliss sushi, but 
darling, honey pie, my love,
i know you are happy
and your happiness
is enough.
first night sleeping alone:

my first night of sleeping alone.

rising dawn, keep me from this coolness.
its too hot to breathe,

i am cold without you.
catapult me into
the blue unknown

(i've been there before
i've never been)

yes, yes i know it's so
but is it so if i don't know?

curiosity took my inhibitions,
now i wallow, wallow in myself
and you and nonresistance. 

giving in to the surges and
to you, letting my loneliness
swamp me and hold me and
yes, yes i know it's so,
because it's so how 
could i not ever
know?

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

1.

i am fortune
in the way that
i am fortune
in the way that
i love you.

2.

through brier and bush
and river and sea,
to you, i am.

3.

curl up inside
stripes and let
yours melt with mine.
momentary lapses in 
proper thought leave
me in tatters at the sight
of the finishing line.

if everything ends sometime,
then let the ticker tape wait
for the end of all days.
aha! 

bursts of energy to
remind me that i could
be so lusciously inside
my own mind of degenerate 
thoughts of you on me.

my body leaps into
itself, feeling a rush of 
blood to the cheeks, i'm
on fire, phoenix burn me!

my skin starts to melt from
lack of touching. hands to 
mold me back into shape, 
hands to carve out my 
cheek bones. thoughts of
you on me on you on me,
and i am awash with roundabout
thoughts and gushing sweetly.


fall into the sky,
and i would fall
with you into
the bliss of the
infinite night.

i find it hard to
deal with my heart,
that opens itself like
a flower all the time.

my weakness is not.
my world of
storms should not rage
on your doorstep


- or, if they do, they
ought to leave your
battered windows alone.

so heart, let alone his
garden of roses, let alone,
and remember how accustomed
you were to being with yourself.
i was a curvature of 
emotion that expanded 
into a sea of glances and
watered down faces. i 
could have been so bleak
and beautiful and slowly rotating,

but i am not. i was a curvature,
and now, a flat plane.






i could agree, to hold
falstaff, and let fall the
blurring nights. but i
can't. i just lie, here,
and my mouth is
dry from drinking
a thousand gallons
of water - but so is
yours, and we agree.

there is no words
we could ever use in
any combination.

this, of us, connected
through emotion over a
cityscape of union. i know
i know, i knew it was a
phase, but this darling,
of discontentment and
discolored eyes is no longer
real by the standards of time.

and you will go,
and i will work,

i am unsure what else to say.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

i am excommunicated.
the silence humiliates me.
leaving me uneasy and restless,
disorientated. why the silence
and the quiet? i am a whole
person, and i am complete
in my inability to talk. i
am not i am not human i
am a toy, a doll of shattered
silk, glued back together with
your exgirlfriend's hot glue gun.

how can i express my self expression?

i fall asleep under your breast,
i only ever sleep easy curled
around a shape created for
mine. your heart beats and

plays on my cheek softly, like
we are the two quiet kids in
the playground, sitting under a
blooming kowhai tree, playing
with each other's shoes, never
saying anything at all, but speaking
in words so humane.

all i ever had was in you, and
the thought of departure scares
me into your arms.

but it could never convince me to stay,
as much as my love could.

my love for you rises, and bursts into
yellow petals, summer sun could
never burn us, never burn us,
never burn us whole.

Sunday, December 9, 2012

cause i could never afford
to be stoic, hand in my mouth
eyes to the ground, i came down
from the infinite. now sitting out 
back, thinking about what i said.
i'm only human but i wish i was as 
divine as you, wish i was as good as
you, wish i could blend my lips and 
teeth together to make some coherent
sound, hands in my mouth,
eyes watered down.

Saturday, December 1, 2012

i just lie under a rock for hours on end,
thinking of the depth of your breath
that sustains me. i am held in blissful
limbo, when your eyes catch mine
for a brief moment before you
switch sides and look away to the left.
i just sit under my rock, in blissful limbo
and listen to your breath.

Monday, November 26, 2012


1.
i am clothed in black silk.
awake and away, i am
not here right now,
so leave a message.

2.
yesterday, i said somethings
that are inconsistent with
the way i feel today

3.
next time i come around,
i will make sure
i come around to you.

4.
 i feel asleep at the altar last night.

5.
call me up, call me to your
fixated gaze, that fixates
on anything you could
never have, but
everything you
could have.




[NOTE: i'm gonna make each of 
these five sections into a zine each,
if you want one, let me know:
piupiumaya@gmail.com ]
have i already hit middle age?
is this it?
life a continuing string of nice days/bad days
hard crosswords/easy crosswords
seeing people/being unseen?
i remember mists.
clouds covering the towers
and opening my eyes to see
only mist and myself.

how liberating to be isolated
in the coolness, and the calm.
i am unreal.

the only time i feel real is when i'm working
maybe that's why i'm such hard work.

i have attachments to your
own state of being, that this
morning when i woke up with
a cold sweat dripping down
the back of the mattress, i felt
like throwing up.

you say things and things, i believe
them all happily, because every word
you've ever said has been true, but 
oh my darling, how i miss you now.

its your presence i miss right now, 
your mind and voice less.
its having your body there close to
mine to hold and have, more so
than hearing you speak
words so true.

Friday, November 23, 2012

i didn't realise it before,
but i have missed you for days.

it's not that i haven't seen you,
i feel like i haven't seen you.
like your flesh have spent forever
trying to find mine, and vice versa - 

even though barely hours ago
we were touching skin to skin.

maybe its the night wearing 
thin on my outta layer,
rubbing off all remembrance,

or maybe it is, in actual fact,
we have had chance encounters,
but nothing deeper than a graze.

Thursday, November 22, 2012

wallow wallow in
my oceanic bed
lying awake in the
clouds i am alive
while you are drinking
and i see time slip by
and i am unafraid.

if you want you can call
me in the morning but 
i don't mind what you do
its up to you now babe.

J U NG L E E



my squishy words annoy you,
unresponsive and vacant,
i sit working tirelessly through
the night to make a quick buck.

the knot in my back grows
heavier with every passing second,
but even in my listless moments, 
i know you love me
and it lifts my energy
to bypass the boredom.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012



i made a video in the last couple of days,
featuring music from $noregazZzm, recording by Nick Graham and my poetry.

i made it for fauxhound, cause he's a total babe

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

i arm myself.
trouble storms
cannot touch me.

he can not touch me.
he, who would take
all that is owed to me.

he can not touch me.
i am golden and with
my bow and spear,
i pierce through the
armor that would 
protected him.

he can not win,
and i can not lose,
i am golden in the eyes
of the beloved, and i
am strong enough 
to fight him off.

i was always strong 
enough to fight him off,
with the beloved's eyes on me.

looking at pictures of naked boys on the internet
i am struck by the vulgarity of them.
they are my age, but they are
eons ahead of my time,
and i lag behind, saying:

"really now, really now,
let your emotions settle

(petal)

you are much too human for me."

their bodies glisten, and faux muscles
ripen under skin soaked to perfection.


i would rather lose all my words than
sleep with one of them. it is a hard line,
but it is the only one i have ever known.
my career keeps changing it's mind.
am i blind, or deaf now?
could i speak or move my fingertips?

if i was darkened, and am now light,
then what was the light before this?

i seem to be unable to make
up my mind, will this be the
last time i reconsider everything?
i hear the charge calling,
calling my name, telling 
me to burst my bubble
and flee to a new reality
of world's i have only 
seen but never been to before.
the urge to leap and run
out in open spaces entirely
new is so great, i fear my
feet would leave the ground
if i wasn't bolted down.

J O Y I N L O V E

i am joy in love

you are
a waterfall of love,

and my love,
you stabilise my
irrational dreams.

like pillars, you
raise my face to seek the sun.

your hands hold my
silk body close to yours,
i am stilled, but still here
in this infinite reality.

your breath is my heartbeat,
and i would give you my pound
of flesh. if only i still had it, i would
give to you all over again. but

it leapt out of me, and into you,
the first time you kissed me.

that first moment where your lips covered
mine and i gave in wholly.

to me, your words are holy,
even when they tease the
blood in my veins.

when you said: "love, you
make my waters move"
i fell even more into you,

all my world is for you.

all my words are for you.

in the dark, lying next to you,
i am filed with inexplicable joy and

i am in love

if ever i was gold,
i was golden in your eyes.
i was born with lips like
slivers, that were blown 
into life. 

he gave me speech.
he starts to talk.
"i would fuck out the sadness.
take you and make you mine.

i would kiss your lips, until they
were red and raw and bled.

i would cut out your blank eyes
and replace them with glass."

and i just sat, and stared,
and said nothing

Sunday, November 18, 2012

i have child's heart,
that buckles under the
weight of continuous
denials and responses
so noncommittal.

i am trying my best
to use words, but they
don't come. they never
come, and this feeling
reaches up.

i wish i could reach
up to your lips and kiss
them with my eyelashes.
i wish i could touch your
body -

last time i was 
close to you, you still
swayed like ocean
currents that pulled you.
i can't decide
if the hurt behind
my eyeballs is from
the lack or the loss.

lack of the necessary

loss of the touch

the touch of the infinite
muse leaning down to
kiss my lips and see 
through my eyelids

 - creating a waterfall, 
where before it was just a leak.

i can not decide,
and i might just melt
with all this indecision. 
i mean to say i fear i am dying,
but no,
you don't know what it meant
to bleed, lying across the beams.
bathing in the light.

i meant to say i am free(!)
of him, and you, and every
other man to hold me,
but this isn't true, i'm
stuck to the same old
bodies that i always was.

if ever i tried to let my hands 
pass through my body, i'm sure
i could fix the broken links.

but i can't, so
i fear i am dying.
eruptions take me
to the birthing of venus.

"look what you could be
if only you wanted to be
that badly."

i do not know, and i was not
born inside a sea shell, and i
was not born bursting out of
my fathers head with wisdom
and courage built in. 

i am not courageous. 
my fear limits and contorts 
me, warping my body into infinity. 

take me to the birthing of venus
so i can see, exactly what i could be
i was star shaped
inside the iris of your eye,

until, i become boring
and am nestled out..

i feel as though i am 
clouds, shifting constantly.
where are my ties to moor me
to your islands of complexity

finally, i decide to let the
winds blow, knowing you'll
catch my ropes if you want to.

Saturday, November 17, 2012

he's a curvature.
geometrically succinct and
everything he does is
measured and made to cut.
he felt like blades under my skin,
carefully carving the muscle from flesh.
he made me hollow, and let
my insides seep out the
hole he cut in my eyelids.
that way he could always see
where my gaze was, he always
blindfolded me, and gazed the other way.
he always blindfolded me with words
and gazed the other way.

so when i finally, out of frustrations
and heated blood, ran out of patience
and time, he decided it was right to show
me his hidden angles.

he drew a line down my body with his
tears and boyish valour, and
he drew the love out of me.
then from above, he cut me with it.
he sliced a line. he carved a ditch
from under my jaw, down my
neck, over the hill of my collar bone,
in between the rise of my breasts.
he dug a rut down my sternum, and
pierced my stomach lining right through.
he did it all with my love, and salt.

he used myself against me.
destroyed my sense of intellect
and purpose, and stole my finger
nails. devoid of anything i called my
purposes i sat inside the softest
pillow of mourning, and
wallowed in my own self disgrace.
he would have taken her hands
and laced them over himself,
he would have let his lips
do the talking, and his eyes
do the looking. i was left
on the floor of the hallway
melting into the wooden floorboards,
but he was lacing himself
through her hair and her skin,

 and when i grew, he stayed stagnant.
my eyelids regenerated and i
found a new future generation to put
my hope in. i found a new sense of
sensibility and a new way to breathe.

Friday, November 16, 2012



the streets are almost as cute as fauxhound.

jos played really well last night, i am so proud of him.
he is a beautiful human.
through the throngs of our relationship burning,
i feel i could never reach
nirvana, and i know your 
blood pressure is the same.

untied by our fledgling and failing
omnipotence we curve into each other
again and feel ourselves slip back
into the old routine - tried and true
and i sit in you
and you sit in me
and we are together in a space
of beautiful completeness

that threatens to sallow us whole,
like his fingers curling over us with ease and grace,
but we are safe, because
we are together.

Thursday, November 15, 2012


i promised i
         would be good,
and i am good.
lilting tides in my eyes
are rising and falling
like the sun.
the only rest
you receive is in
the darkness of night.
the only rest i receive
is curled against
you.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

make a tap from your eyes,
and i will do my best
to drain your sadness 
from your heart of gold.

it doesn't weigh a ton, 
it weighs the same amount as
love, my love, and which is
a heavy burden -

but the heaviness is
sweet to touch,
 soft to taste.

i will leave the
indent of my kiss on the 
underside of your chest,
close to the missing rib,

so when your heart almost bursts,


you can feel my kiss,
and it will help to calm
the furious beating
sadness incurs.
i remember his hands.

too soft. he couldn't handle
me, when i moved like silk
against his body.

it distressed him the way i flowed
through his veins.

he pumped me out of his heart,
and it was second best blessing i have ever been given.

now, when i move like water
through the shower head,
i drip down a body of total and complete perfection.

i sit heavenly inside his eyes
of the sweetest grey,
and

after the transfusion of bloodily
fluids, i can feel a better man
coursing through my bloodstream
like pure joy.

i forget all other hands, now yours exist,
and i can not remember the way anyone 
else felt inside me.

one day,
you will die.

or i will.

it doesn't matter
which first, or 
 if we die 
together,

limbs bound,
 lips pressing.



one day,
we will separate,

lover's bodies melded
together, now melted apart.

Monday, November 12, 2012

i do not think he even knows
about the admiration and
adoration i feel for him.
for his eyes, his art, his
lips and teeth. his bones
and his scars...

oh! his scars! more
beautiful than any marking
in the history of the world.

i adore him, totally.
i make my amends with my own god
and i remember the times i lie on beaches
of violet sand, thinking:

' at least i'm not you'

detrimental imaginaings of
dragons and fairies stealing
your innocence and ignoring your
pleas for merciful resentment,

that is not me. i stand on my
own two feet of joy and defiance,
if i needed anything, it is there, and i
have nothing to be ungrateful for.

it only took thirty seconds and he was right,
i fell so in love with the music of
the listening, that i wrote to him right
away, i said:

"listen, to me. i know
i am hard to hold,
and i am badly timed with
my limbs of whips and leather,
but listen, to me.



i only know myself through
you, i only know myself through you."



and his response was with looks and i
understand my way of thinking
is not what is not what i thought it was.

and i understand the infinite, the awful
and the loving.
i roll onto my back,
and let the space shake
around me and my starry eyes.

this world of this constant
perceptual ghosting, i am
a light for you, and
you are in the driver's seat.

i would never fight you for
fear of what you would do,
or fear of what you could do.

i walk and i think and your
inspirations guide me through.

so i roll on to my back
into the middle of your palm, and

i let you have me entirely.


my frustrations come to a head
i can not write to save my
self or anyone else and i
start to frown so deep
i furrow into my own face.

burrowing into the ground,
i want my head in the sand
so i do not have to think about
this - or! so i lock out everything

else and am left with pure instinctive
drive to write about the frustrations
of claustrophobia.

i could wait like bloom,
a thousand years and a day
for the sun to set on your dawning
face. to see the light in
your eyes vanish from this earth
and be reunited with all.

i will wait a thousand years in
spring, surely the glow of your
skin can not leave until we are
ready to leave, together in unison
of beautiful hazy nights of cold
autumn's breath. 

the wait is not long, it is fleeting
and i understand this. so i will
wait like bloom a thousand
years for your soft touch, and
hope that the rains will keep at bay
until the bloom has blossomed,
and our time is done.

Sunday, November 11, 2012


Wishbone
Richard Siken


You saved my life he says   I owe you everything.
You don’t, I say, you don’t owe me squat, let’s just get going, let’s just get gone, but he’s
           relentless,
keeps saying  I owe you, says  Your shoes are filling with your own damn blood,
you must want something, just tell me, and it’s yours.
          But I can’t look at him, can hardly speak,
I took the bullet for all the wrong reasons, I’d just as soon kill you myself, I say.
You keep saying  I owe you, I owe… but you say the same thing every time.
          Let’s not talk about it, let’s just not talk.
Not because I don’t believe it, not because I want it any different, but I’m always saving
and you’re always owing and I’m tired of asking to settle the debt.
          Don’t bother.
You never mean it anyway, not really, and it only makes me that much more ashamed.
There’s only one thing I want, don’t make me say it, just get me bandages, I’m bleeding,
          I’m not just making conversation.
There’s smashed glass glittering everywhere like stars. It’s a Western, Henry,
it’s a downright shoot-em-up. We’ve made a graveyard out of the bone white afternoon.
          It’s another wrong-man-dies scenario
and we keep doing it, Henry, keep saying  until we get it right… 
but we always win and we never quit, see, we’ve won again, here we are at the place
          where I get to beg for it
where I get to say  Please, for just one night, will you lay down next to me, we can leave our
clothes on, we can stay all buttoned up?
          or will I say
Roll over and let me fuck you till you puke, Henry, you owe me this much, you can indulge me
this at least, can’t you?  but we both know how it goes. I say  I want you inside me
           and you hold my head underwater, I say   I want you inside me
and you split me open with a knife. I’m battling monsters, half-monkey, half-tarantula,
I’m pulling you out of the burning buildings and you say  I’ll give you anything.
          But you never come through.
Give me bullet power. Give me power over angels. Even when you’re standing up
you look like you’re lying down, but will you let me kiss your neck, baby? Do I have to
          tie your arms down?
Do I have to stick my tongue in your mouth like the hand of a thief, like a burglary
like it’s just another petty theft? It makes me tired, Henry. Do you see what I mean?
          Do you see what I’m getting at?
You swallowing matches and suddenly I’m yelling  Strike me. Strike anywhere.
 I swear, I end up feeling empty, like you’ve taken something out of me, and I have to search
          my body for the scars, thinking
Did he find that one last tender place to sink his teeth in?   I know you want me to say it, Henry,
it’s in the script, you want me to say  Lie down on the bed, you’re all I ever wanted
          and worth dying for too
but I think I’d rather keep the bullet this time. It’s mine, you can’t have it, see,
I’m not giving it up. This way you still owe me, and that’s
          as good as anything.
You can’t get out of this one, Henry, you can’t get it out of me, and with this bullet
lodged in my chest, covered with your name, I will turn myself into a gun, because
           it’s all I have,
because I’m hungry and hollow and just want something to call my own. I’ll be your
slaughterhouse, your killing floor, your morgue and final resting, walking around with this
          bullet inside me
‘cause I couldn’t make you love me and I’m tired of pulling your teeth. Don’t you see, it’s like
I’ve swallowed your house keys, and it feels so natural, like the bullet was already there,
          like it’s been waiting inside me the whole time.
Do you want it? Do you want anything I have? Will you throw me to the ground
like you mean it, reach inside and wrestle it out with your bare hands?
          If you love me, Henry, you don’t love me in a way I understand.
Do you know how it ends? Do you feel lucky? Do you want to go home now?
There’s a bottle of whiskey in the trunk of the Chevy and a dead man at our feet
          staring up at us like we’re something interesting.
This is where the evening splits in half, Henry, love or death. Grab an end, pull hard,
and make a wish.



i let my inhibitions bloom.
her is he without the
restrictions and my
blood always flows

down the inside of my
thigh, lovers have licked to
feel the sensuality of my body.

my soft teenage body of dreams
and ambition. naive and sweet, i
am the wet dreams of your father,
and i am the internet search you
type, every night like clock work.

look at my lips.
look at the sweetness.
if only you could taste my
objects of desire.

let your inhibition go,
i am he without the
restrictions and my
blood always flows


you know i get scolded by
you for sitting in bed all day.
listening to
you in my mind and 
smelling you on my
bed sheets
      


(that's a bit creepy right?)


my hours of long spent time
drift away like wind.

one day i will do something
truly productive,

and when you think i'm lazy (still)
i will have a gust strong enough, 
to blow your legs out
from under you

with an enormous amount of love.

Saturday, November 10, 2012


disinterested in the movements of lips
or your hands sliding down my body.

disinterested in silence and silence
and silence and misled words.

disinterested in advice, in admiration,
in (slowly intoxicating) love

disinterested in being disinterested


but being disinterested, 
doesn't mean anything in real life.



photo


often i keep my tongue still.
you speak and believe your
own words, but i don't even
believe mine. so how can yours
stay with me?

even when they imprint
themselves on my eyelids.

i feel vaguely empty. 
words are words are
words are words and
i feel hollowly without.

like i am not here,
and neither are you.
time is endless and
communication boring.








photo







my dopamine levels dripping from the ceiling.
i thought i lost my mind when i lost the time,
falling down stairs, and people and people
and communicating and i'm hazy, i'm mist
i'm nonexistent except in this drowsy state.

this is my reality. this is my reality.
oh lord please save me.